I Still Feel Her
by ScarlingC
Summary: "My love would consume me; burn me up like the phoenix. But as the phoenix rises from the ashes, I would also, creating life in the form of songs. My songs for her." ExB All-Human AU
1. Violent Delight

**So I had this idea, and I hope I wrote it down well enough... It's not a song fic, but it is inspired by some pretty damn good songs :) Please tell me whether to continue this story or not...**

_SM owns the characters, I'm just borrowing them for a bit._

_All credit for the lyrics go to Jonny Craig and Isles & Glaciers. _

_No copyright infringement intended._

"**I left you with one promise.  
I hear your heart call my name."**

**-Jonny Craig**

I stood on the stage, gazing out over a sea of nameless faces in this small venue, trying my best to remember why I was here in the first place.

The stage lights hindered my vision, all focusing on one thing…me. I wanted so badly to see if she was present, waiting to hear the songs I wrote for her. I squinted, trying in vain to see past the haze of smoke and darkness for her beautiful brown eyes. I could make out the shimmer of the bottles on the bar, the sheen of sweat on every single kid in the front of the crowd, the cigarette smoke the scene kid in the back was producing.

I saw everything but her.

I took a deep breath, looking down at my worn converse as I fidgeted with my guitar pick, and finally looked up again, ready for this. I looked over this crowd, finally letting the euphoria of the moment take me over. I smirked at the crowd, and I was pretty sure I could hear a few of the women swoon, ready to sing to them the diary of my life.

Tonight, these songs, my heart…it was all for_ her. _And she wasn't even here to witness the display.

I began to sing the first song…

"_How far back, can you remember? Did the ice stop your heart? Oh wait, that was me…__ …I froze to death.  
My last words choking your breath… __…Do the words still haunt you__? __Can you secure its claim…_…_I have no soul, no conscience. Floating for one meaning. Three words, I left you with…__…I left you with one promise. I hear your heart call my name…."_

The music trailed off, my last words echoing around the room. If only they knew how true these words were for me…

I tried blocking out all memories of her from my mind at the moment, no good would come from remembering how much I loved and hated her right now.

I looked up, about to finish the set with one last song, the song that meant everything to me, when I saw her. She was back at the bar, my sister and her brother in tow. Oh how beautiful and broken she looked tonight. I couldn't help but be a little satisfied by the single tear running down her cheek. _That's right baby, it's all for you…_

This last song was for her.

I swung my guitar down, so that it rested against my hips, so that I could grab the mic with both hands. I gripped it hard, nervous for the first time this evening.

"This is the last song; thanks for coming out tonight, you've been an amazing crowd!" I called into the mic, smirking at the girls in front.

"…_I never knew what I would do  
If anybody tried to take you away…"_

I looked straight into her eyes as I sang the rest of the verses, reliving every single moment in my mind as I sang the song.

"…_Can we speed up the process, please?  
Or show me the one I need…"_

The girl of my nightmares, the one that fuels my music, my lyrics, my heart… she was crying as she listened to the songs I wrote for her, and I loved every single tear that fell from her eyes.

"…_Cause I would do anything (anything, anything)  
Cause love is a selfish thing (Don't care what you think)  
And I'll feed off the wounds that bleed  
And tear you away from me…"_

I must have been a masochist to enjoy seeing the woman I love hurt at the words I've written for her and about her. She must hate me, and rightfully so, I've only been airing out our dirty laundry to the audience, a fact that I was sure they were unaware of.

"…_If we die then we die  
And I'll sing this buried with you__In the cemetery weather_

_Violent delight_  
_Live as if we die…_

_…I need somebody_  
_Somebody crazy enough to tell me_  
_I will love you till we_  
_Till we are buried_  
_Our bodies buried close together_

_I never knew what I would do_  
_If anybody tried to take you away…"_

As I ended the last verse, my eyes bore into her with an intensity that could melt the sun. She had to know what I felt; she had to know how she had broken me. I loved her, worshipped her, and it meant nothing. Nothing.

My love would consume me; burn me up like the phoenix. But as the phoenix rises from the ashes, I would also, creating life in the form of songs. My songs for her.

I walked off the stage, numb as the stage men patted my back and the venue manager gave me my cut of the meager profits. I needed a drink,_ bad._

I walked out of the back stage, coming nearer to my destination…Alcohol.

"I'll have Jack on the rocks." I called to the bartender as I leaned against the bar, bracing myself as my sister lunged at me.

"Oh my god, you were amazing up there! I can't believe I missed you the last time you were in LA! Wow, loved the new songs." She praised, clearly trying to lighten the mood. "So Eddie, what do you think about you sister starting her own clothing line, you haven't told me what you thought yet…" She asked, clearly trying to get me to speak. I barely noticed the sad brunette behind her, trying to not to seem too interested in what I had to say…barely.

"Don't you think you're a bit on the teeny tiny side to go into fashion little sis?" I asked, knowing that I'd strike a nerve by bringing up her height. She was only 5 foot, pixie like in her features, with short spiky black hair, not exactly what you would expect of a Designer, but if you knew Alice, then you know that she would be the one to change the mold.

"Ha Ha Eddie. One of these days you'll realize how talented I really am. I have to compensate for my height difference somewhere." She said.

"Kind of like the way you compensate with your songs." My old best friend from High school said, seemingly appearing out of nowhere.

"I don't have to compensate for anything, just ask your cousin Rose about that." I smirked at him, awaiting his last smile.

"The prodigal son returns!" Jasper yelled, pulling me in for a quick hug. "We missed you man, how's touring the world treating you?"

"Pretty good man, pretty good. It's nice being part of the indie circuit because I can still play small venues like this and still be able to do what I love without paparazzi." I answered, stealing a glance at his sister, wondering why she hasn't approached me yet.

"Guess who we brought tonight! Bella, come here, come say hi to Edward." My sister called, pulling her over to me. Little did Alice and Jasper know that those songs I just sang were about her and for her.

"Hi Edward." She said quietly, looking down at her own over used converse_. I still we still had our shoes in common…_

"Hello Bella." I said, realizing that this moment was a lot harder than I thought it would be. You'd think that after 4 years I could stand in front of her without wanting to kiss her and tell her I loved her. _She doesn't love you, remember idiot! "_It's been a long time. Did you enjoy the show?"

"It has been a long time…4 years to be precise," I thought I heard her whisper. "I got here late, so I missed part of it, but from what I heard it was good."

_Good? _That's all it was, was _good_? I couldn't understand why that made me angry, but it did. Maybe it was because I poured my heart out for her on that stage, and all she thought was that it was _good_...just maybe.

"I'm glad you thought it was good." I snapped, irritated for the way my mind was over analyzing everything she did. Like how at this exact moment she was chewing her lip, which usually meant that she was nervous, or how she blushed every time I looked at her. Dammit, why did she have to do that! Aren't women supposed to blush when they're with someone they're interested in? "Hey Alice, I'm going to head out, I'll see you at home." I said, swallowing the last of my drink.

"But we haven't even celebrated yet?" She pouted as her spiky hair bobbing slightly as she lowered her had in a stance that meant she was pulling out the big guns. Next she'd look at me with those- oh wait, there they are…her sad eyes. Her sad look was guaranteed to give her anything she wanted; it had not failed her yet, until tonight.

"Sorry Alice, I'm tired. You're staying at mom and dad's right? I'll see you there. Bye Jazz, I'm sure I'll see you around, seeing as you are my sister's fiancée from what I hear. "I said, smirking at him.

"Who told you?" Alice cried, throwing her hands in the air.

"Who do you think?"I asked, knowing she knew the answer. "Never tell Emmett anything, unless you want the world to know." We laughed, and I thought I heard a slight giggle fall from Bella's lips as well. "Alright, see you guys later." I said, walking away quickly, intentionally avoiding Bella's stare as I made my way out to the street.

_Alright, keep it cool Cullen, stay chill. You survived! Yay. _I thought to myself, internally chuckling at how crazy I was at the moment. I was having an internal congrats party for myself… in my head. I walked out from under the venues eave, shrugging as the light drizzle of constant rain fell upon my head. I reached my arm out, trying to hail a cab. I had no such luck in getting one. I stood and waited for yet another cab when I heard light footsteps behind me.

How could my body react this way when I was around her? I didn't even have to see her for my body to know that she was there. My heart raced in my chest, goose bumps raised on my flesh, the metaphorical butterflies swarming about in my stomach. I had to stifle my groan of pleasure as I caught a whiff of her sweet strawberry scent, her favorite shampoo no doubt.

"What are you doing out here Bella?" I asked, still not turning to face her. My face was grim, waiting for another one of her rejections.

"Edward, I….I don't know how to say this…But I have to-," she began, her voice trembling. I turned on her, hostile and desperate in my stance.

"You don't have to say it, I already know that you didn't care for me the same way I did for you Bella, its fine, I get it. You can stop apologizing, I'm sick of hearing apologies fall from your lips." I spat. I knew she was only out here to apologize again, believing she was the reason I left forks in the first place, which is partly true. I told her I loved her and basically she didn't return the sentiment. We weren't dating or anything, but there was something there, something real between us. The night after we lost our virginity to each other, a week after graduation, I confessed my love for her, and the next thing I knew, she was on the first plane to Jacksonville, deciding to attend college over there. I tried calling, emailing, writing, anything to get her to talk to me, but it was no use, she never replied.

No one ever knew about what happened between Bella and I, she was my sister's best friend for Christ sakes, but knowing that she still talked regularly to everyone in our circle, including my parents, except for me, made me realize that she didn't love me back. All she had to do was say so in the first place.

So as I stood there, looking at the girl I loved, wondering if it were tears or rain falling down her cheeks, I couldn't help but be consumed with love and hate for her. _God it was confusing!_

"Go back inside Bella, people are staring. We wouldn't want them to think this was a lover's quarrel." I said turning away from her, looking back at the one busy street devoid of taxis.

"I wasn't going to apologize…" She said, her voice tinged with a hint of determination. Or was she going to tell me to move on now? Was that it? Or would she tell me what an asshole I've been and say get over it? "Edward…. I love you."

I wasn't expecting that…

**Should I continue?... Please read and review :)**

**Songs are...**

**Jonny Craig- I Still Feel Her (Pt. III)**

**Isles & Glaciers- Cemetery Weather**


	2. Cab Rides and Late nights

**So here's the next chapter, I hope you all like it. This story will be short, not too long. It's just a short story to help me get out of my writers block for my other stories ****I'll be dropping lyrics here and there, maybe a few quotes from my favorite books. Let me know what you think of it. Maybe I'll prolong it if enough people seem to like it. **

**Read and review please!**

**Special thanks to **Katoo, Cazz x **and** Matt Smith-The REAL Doctor Who (Edwards my lion-I'm his Lamb) **for their reviews, I'm glad that you guys like the story **

_SM owns the characters, I'm just borrowing them for a bit._

_All credit for the lyrics go to _The Smiths_. _

_No copyright infringement intended._

**BPOV**

I followed him out of the venue, intent on doing what I came here to do in the first place. I walked over to him slowly, noting that it was lightly drizzling from the rain, watching him as he hunched his shoulders forward waiting for a taxi. He looked breathtaking on that stage, singing his songs. I was so proud of him as I watched him up there, singing to the crowd. It broke my heart to know that I caused the pain in his lyrics, frowning at the thought.

I walked closer to him, reaching out with my small hand to tap his shoulder. Before I had even touched him, he tensed, his shoulders squaring and his spine straightening.

"What are you doing out here Bella?" He snapped, still not turning to me. I felt so guilty knowing I was the one that broke him. I had to tell him, I had to fix him…

"Edward, I…I don't know how to say this…But I have to-" my voice trembled, afraid of his reaction. It had been so long, what if he had moved on? He surprised me by turning on me, hostile and anxious in his stance.

"You don't have to say it, I already know that you didn't care for me the same way I did for you Bella, its fine, I get it. You can stop apologizing, I'm sick of hearing apologies fall from your lips." He spat, and I flinched, afflicted by his words. I wasn't going to apologize…well not for not loving him. I was planning on apologizing that it took me this long to finally admit that I loved him. I wanted to apologize for leaving him 4 years ago and ignoring him, I wanted to apologize for so many things, but not this, not for not loving him.

"Go back inside Bella, people are staring. We wouldn't want them to think this was a lover's quarrel." He said, seeming tired, and turned back to hail a nonexistent taxi. _God he was so frustrating!_ I'm trying to tell him how I feel here, and he's acting like a jerk_! Cool it Bella, he's angry and has every reason to be_, my subconscious tries to reason. Yeah yeah, I know.

"I wasn't going to apologize…" I said, slightly irritated. He better let me finish this time. "Edward… I love you." I breathed, 4 years of heartache and emptiness leaking out of me, filling the gap with hope. I waited, hoping that he would turn around and face me, face us.

He stood there, facing the street, at least 7 taxis passing us by. I took the time to look him over, his shoulders seemed broader than they did in high school, his hair a bit darker, his jaw more defined. Mmm… his jaw. Oh how I used to daydream of kissing that jaw…

Snapping out of my reverie, I noticed him move. He waved his hand at a cab, taking a step forward as it pulled to stop in front of him. He walked over slowly to the door, opening it and pausing. He seemed to be internally debating within himself over something. My heart began to fall, thinking that this would be the last time I would see him, not caring about my revelation.

"Are you getting in or what?" He whispered, still looking away from me, but stepping aside to let me in. I looked at him hesitantly; _did he get this taxi for me_? I walked over, and slid into the seat slowly, saddened that maybe he was hinting to me that I should go. I looked up with tears threatening to escape, and smiled as I realized he was sliding in as well. _Yes! Edward Cullen is riding a taxi with me! _My subconscious does a happy dance.

"You're coming." I say as a fact not a question.

"Yes." He frowns, as if he is unhappy about it. My heart falls slightly.

"You…you don't have to if you don't want to Edward." I whispered, looking to my hands in my lap.

"Bella…" He groans as he leans his head against the seat.

"Where to?" The cabbie asks impatiently. I lean forward to give him my address, but Edward beats me to it and gives him the name of the hotel he's staying at.

"Ok." The cabbie says and jets off towards his destination. I anxiously sit there next to Edward, not sure about what to do. I hesitantly raise my hand to touch his face, wanting to trace the lines of his face. Just as my hand is about to touch him, he opens his eyes.

"Don't." He whispers, pain flashing through his eyes and my heart.

"Okay." I say back. Then something he said earlier strikes me. "I thought you were staying at your parent's house? That's what you told Alice earlier." I said. Thinking of Alice, I need to tell her I'm okay. I fish out my phone and type a quick _'I'm Safe, C U tomorrow' _as I wait for his reply.

"All my stuff is at the hotel, I don't have to check out until tomorrow." He says.

"Oh." I mutter, it makes sense. I randomly think about how I will get home tonight. I rode here with her, and I just sent her a text that I'd see her tomorrow, _crap_. I frown, my subconscious scolding me.

"Why are you frowning?" He asks, looking at me intently.

"I just realized I drove here with Alice, and wondering how I'm going to get home." I explained. "Maybe I'll just get a taxi to take me."

"Bella, I'm not going to make you call a taxi to drive you all the way back to Forks at 1 in the morning. You can stay the night and I'll drive you home in the morning." He said, his jaw tense.

"Thanks." I say as the cab pulls to a stop in front of his hotel. He steps out and opens the door for me, waiting for me to get out before he hands the driver money. The cabbie speeds away and we walk quietly up to his room. I walk a few steps behind him, not sure where I'm heading anyway. I wonder what we're going to do until tomorrow, and I realize I'm blushing when I start thinking about one of the last times we were alone together 4 years ago.

I look up to see him frowning at me, trying to unlock his door. I look back at the floor as I wait for him to unlock it. Finally he wins the battle with the lock and lets me in. I walk right through the small foyer, opting to sit at the foot of the one bed in the room. It's small in here, just one queen size, a writing desk, bathroom, TV, and an ironing board. I wait for him patiently, not wanting to rush him.

"Bella what are you doing here?" He asks, sinking to the floor across from me, his back against the wall and his knees bent with his arms wrapped around them, holding his wrists.

"I love you Edward." I said again, quietly.

"You said that at the concert. Why?" He asked, and I can hear his irritation.

"Because it's true, I love you." I said again, with more conviction.

"You can't do that Bella, it doesn't work that way! You can't come back 4 years later and tell me you love me and expect me to fall at your feet. You left me remember?" He said, putting his face in his hands.

"I don't expect you to do that; I just needed you to know. I was scared 4 years ago Edward, we weren't in a relationship, we were friends, and…and you tell me you loved me. It scared me!" I said, gripping the sheets in my hands.

"Then you should have told me! Instead you ignored my calls, my letters, everything! All you had to do was talk to me." His eyes tortured.

"I know, and I regret that, I do. I'm so sorry for how I treated you, but by the time I realized how I felt, it had already been too long. Then Alice invited me to see you play and I came, and I realized after hearing those songs that there might still be a chance. Maybe there's still a chance that you can forgive me?" I begged, wiping away the tears with the back of my hand.

We sat there staring at each other, neither one saying anything. We let the words just spoken settle between us. Finally he was the first to say something.

"You should sleep, it's late." He said, standing up from his spot on the floor. "I'll sleep on the floor."

"No you won't, you'll sleep up here. Come on, I'm not that big to where I take up all this space." I chuckled.

"No, I guess not." He said frowning again.

I removed my converse and jacket and threw them on the floor. He did the same and pulled back the covers. I slid in first and so did he, flicking off the bedside lamp. We lay there in the darkness, neither one saying anything. I needed to know if we would be okay tomorrow, I needed to ask.

"Edward?" I whispered, hoping he hadn't fallen asleep yet.

"Hmm…" He acknowledged.

"Do you think you'll be able to forgive me someday?" I asked.

"I've already forgiven you." He said. I thought about that for a second.

"Edward?" I asked again.

"Yes Bella." He answered, and I thought I could hear his grin.

"Do you still love me?" I wanted to know… My subconscious leaned in closer to him, impatiently wanting to know the answer.

"I don't know… it's a lot to take in one evening. You know, before tonight, I hated you for leaving me. It's a lot to think about." He answered honestly. It hurt to hear it, but I was glad he was honest.

"I understand… Maybe we can start over, start as friends again. Take things slow…" I said.

"I think that's a good idea. Take things slow…" He murmured. "Goodnight Bella."

"Goodnight Edward." I said, yawning afterwards. I settled into the bed, pulling the covers up to my shoulders.

Before dozing off I thought I could hear Edward softly singing to himself…

…_So, for once in my life, let me get what I want, _

_Lord knows it would be the first time…_

**Should I continue?... Please read and review :)**

**Songs are…**

_**The Smiths- **__**Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want**_


	3. Atonement

**Thanks so much for the added support! So here's another post, let's see what you readers make of this…**

**Read and review please!**

**Special thanks to the following readers for their reviews, you guys make it worth posting!**

Katoo, Cazz x, Matt Smith-The REAL Doctor Who (Edwards my lion-I'm his Lamb), KimberlyAnnT, twilightfreak6323

_**SM owns the characters, I'm just borrowing them for a bit.**_

_**All credit for the lyrics go to **_**Bloc Party**_**. **_

_**No copyright infringement intended.**_

_**EPOV**_

"You ready?" I asked her, snapping my seatbelt into place. I checked all the mirrors, mentally checked to make sure I didn't forget anything, and turned on the windshield wipers since there was a steady rain outside. It was a normal Washington day, cloudy sky and tall green mossy trees everywhere.

"Yep. Do you mind if I put on my IPod?" She asked, already connecting it to my stereo.

"Be my guest." I said, waving my hand.

"There's only one condition." She said mock seriously.

"It's my stereo and you're giving _me_ conditions?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at her. We had pulled out of the parking lot and were well on our way back to Forks now.

"Yep." She said simply, smiling at me.

"Fine, what is it." I gave in.

"We are going to listen to this song the entire way home on repeat."

"Why?" That was an odd rule.

"Because it's my favorite and because it's Bloc Party, they need no explanation." She shrugged, as if it were common sense.

"Okay, whatever." I said, focusing on the wet road ahead of me.

Minutes passed, and we were still silent. She seemed to be silently singing along to the song, and I had to admit, I wasn't really paying attention to it. Yeah the band was good, but I couldn't concentrate on anything else with her here. I still don't know how I lasted an entire night sleeping next to her without a breakdown.

I've been head over heels for this girl for years now, believing it to be one-sided, when all of a sudden she tells me she feels the same. It just blind sighted me. I wanted answers, she couldn't just decide she loved me just like that; I wanted to know more…

"So…" I wasn't sure how I was going to go about getting answers just yet.

"Yes?" She asked, looking innocent.

"Well we're going to be in this car for the next 30 minutes, we might as well talk." I said awkwardly.

"Okay, talk about what?"

"Hell Bella, you pop up out of nowhere and say that you love me, I think that's a good place to start." I say exasperated.

"What's there to say that hasn't already been said?" She asked, and I could tell she was nervous.

"What made you change your mind?" I asked quietly. My mind slowly wandered with the verse of the song that had been on repeat, vaguely trying to follow along_…"I will not let you get further from me, you must fight for me"..._

"I always loved you Edward, just not the same way you may have at the time. We were best friends before graduation happened; I loved you as a friend. Then we…well you know, we did_ that _and things changed. I still loved you, I just couldn't figure out how. It's like my heart felt more for you then my mind would allow. That's why I got so scared and left, I couldn't figure out how I felt about you." She whispered.

"But why didn't you answer my calls or write back to one of my emails?" I prompted.

"I was embarrassed, ashamed of how I had left. And when I finally realized how I really felt, I just figured you wouldn't want me anymore. I'm just plain old Bella who went to college to be a school teacher and still has the same old rusty truck from high school. You're Edward Cullen, indie rock star and amazing, inside and out. Who would want me when they could have anybody?" She asked, blushing.

"I would. You don't see yourself clearly Bella," I said, reaching over to take her hand. She smiled shyly at me, and I decided to not let go… _"Oh-oh, it was a funny feeling to be wanted. So, it was a funny feeling we only ever notice when it seems like all is lost"…_

"Well, I didn't know that until I talked to Alice a week ago." She said, smiling and blushing even more, bringing forth a smile to my lips.

"Oh, and what did she say?"

"Well, aside from starting her own line, she decided to tell me about a new song that you had written, one that she was heartbroken at reading the lyrics to. She went on and on about how she wanted to know who it was about, so I asked her about it and she repeated some of the words. They were the lyrics to the last song you played last night. Only someone deeply affected by someone else would write lyrics like that. I just hoped you still loved me more than hated me. That's why I went to the show, so that I could see." She explained, pausing and blushing every so often.

I sat for a minute to let it all seep in, the song on her IPod still on repeat in the car... _"I still see suns in you, my suns and suns in your eyes. This love's not over. This love's not over"…_

"I never hated you…well that's not true. I thought I hated you, but I realize that I just blamed you, and you never deserved that. You could have gone about being scared a whole lot better, but I get that it was a lot to take in. I just can't believe we wasted 4 years." I sighed. "But I still think we should take things slow. We need to rebuild our friendship, we're different people that who we used to be, Bella. Trust is a big part of what we need to build, I need to know that you won't run if you get scared again."

"I promise I won't run, you can trust me." She said eagerly, holding my hand tighter, the song drifting in the background… _"And we can make a raft from all the dead trees and set sail for better times to a time when this love was not poisoned. I was kind"…_

"You say that now, but you never know. Let's just take it slow, nothing too rushed or forced."

"Okay, I can do slow and steady." She agreed, relaxing slightly.

"Oh I know…" I said smirking at her. Her blush was instantaneous, and I felt a little guilty.

"Edward!" She said, trying to hide her face.

"I'm just kidding." I apologized, trying to get her to look at me again. Finally she did, and we settled back into a comfortable silence.

"So what is allowed in this slow and steady business?" She asked. "Obviously holding hands is okay?"

"Sure. Um...Well I guess dates, like coffee or lunch. Just hang out like we used to. I want to get to know you again Bella, see what you like and dislike. I want to take you out and show you my world, music and the gigs and stuff." I said, shrugging.

"So nothing physical?" She asked, sounding slightly relieved and yet disappointed.

"No, not yet." I frowned. It was definitely something I wanted, but I didn't want her to run again, so I was definitely not going to take it that far for a long while. "It's going to be hard Bella, and we will fight, but I think we can make it through this and hopefully start over. I think we can make things work after everything that's happened." I said, hopeful.

"I think we can get past this too Edward." She said, smiling softly at me. "So what do we tell everyone?"

"Well no one knows about what happened after graduation, so we can just tell them we're old friends getting reacquainted." I offered.

"Sounds believable." She commented, and I smiled as I pulled into her driveway. My ears picked up on the repeated Bloc Party song as it ended and I could hear, _"This is my atonement. It will be hard, my love. It will be hard but it can be done."_

"What is this song Bella?" I asked as she disconnected it and started to gather her things.

"It's Atonement from Bloc Party. It fits how I feel about you. Look up the lyrics sometime." She said, getting out of the car. Before heading up to her door, she stopped and leaned in through the window, and with a smile said, "Oh and Edward, thanks for the ride." And quickly turned and ran up to her home.

She is going to kill me someday. Death by Bella, I think I can handle that. It would make a good song name…

**Should I continue?... Please read and review :)**

**Songs are…**

_**Bloc Party- Atonement**_


	4. Discovering the Waterfront

**Thanks for reading :) **

**Read and review please!**

**Special thanks to the following readers for their reviews, you guys make it worth posting!**

Katoo, Cazz x, Matt Smith-The REAL Doctor Who (Edwards my lion-I'm his Lamb), KimberlyAnnT, twilightfreak6323, OhMike

_**SM owns the characters, I'm just borrowing them for a bit.**_

_**All credit for the lyrics go to **_**Sky Eats Airplane **_**& **_**Silverstein**_**. **_

_**No copyright infringement intended.**_

**BPOV**

I ran up to my bedroom after Edward dropped me off and plopped down on my bed. I stared up at the ceiling wondering to myself about what just happened. Did I really just say the night with Edward again? Yep.

I big cheesy grin spread over my face and I couldn't wipe it away. He said we would try! He wanted to try and make us work. It was more that I had been hoping for when I went to Port Angeles with Alice yesterday. I had gone in only hoping that he would accept my apology, never would I have thought we'd be dating today! Okay okay, not exactly dating, but he did say that we'd get there eventually. That cheesy grin came up again.

I got up and turned on the radio, needing some music to unpack to. I had only been in Forks a few days and had yet to unpack anything. I listened briefly to the lyrics floating through the speakers, not really sure If I liked the song just yet. It was definitely a lot louder than what I was used to.

…"_Everything you touch, you somehow find a way to break. Under the veil of love; you set ablaze everything in your way"…_

This song is not exactly what I had in mind, but I was too lazy to go and change it. I started to pull out my jeans and shirts and carefully hang them up and place them in my closet. It had been years since I had been home long enough to unpack, and I couldn't help but make a mental note to dust this room soon.

…" _Come one, come all. Who wants to be another victim of my insecurities? Come on, I'll take everything you've ever loved and leave you broken on the floor."…_

I frowned as I picked up on the lyrics, walking over to change the song. I resumed my unpacking, the lines echoing in my head. …_'who wants to be another victim of my insecurities, I'll leave you broken on the floor'… _would Edward be a victim of my insecurities? He has been before. When I got scared the last time and left, I had broken him and left him figuratively on the floor, he had been a victim of my insecurities. Would that happen again?

There was no doubt that I loved him, that I wanted to make things work this time. But I was still afraid, afraid that he'd find someone better, smarter, prettier than me. What if he realizes I'm not as great as he thought I'd be? What if he finally sees what a small town nobody I really am? It scared me to know that he held my heart in the palm of his hand and he could crush it at any moment.

I sat back down on my bed, suddenly feeling morose. Maybe I should just stop this all now, before we both get hurt? I laid down, staring up the ceiling again, watching the fan twirl slowly.

…" _You ask for my heart, you know that I'm down. But not the way you lie to me, you tear it all apart and beg for me to say. I sail off to sea, I'm not coming back"…_

Would that happen to Edward and me? Would he really be able to get over the past and truly forgive me for my past transgressions?

…"_Counting down, make that sounds. And you know it makes no sense. Counting down, 'til you mess around. And I know you can't ever change. When I'm trembling, thrown overboard. And I'm ready to relive the past. Counting down, make that sounds. Break the silence_"…

What if I would be the one that wouldn't be able to change, what if I ran again? I knew I wanted him, but what if I became so afraid that he would leave, that I left before he could?

…"_Pretend it's not forever. I'll pull myself together. I'll say that I'll forget her. I'll breathe. And I'll say she never hurt me. And look at it as learning. And laugh about the good and the bad. Because I won't live forever. We don't belong together. I know I'll feel better. One day when I can make it through"…_

I sang the last lines along with the song, letting the lyrics and the questions flow through my mind. What if…we don't belong together? I closed my eyes, hoping that the answer would appear when I opened them. I kept them shut, still whispering the remaining lyrics of the song to the air.

I opened my eyes and jumped when I realized I was not alone.

"Holy crow Edward! Don't you knock?" I yelled, trying to calm my heart from its beating.

"I did, and you didn't answer. You forgot this in my car." He said, holding up my wallet. Oh, it must have fallen out when I got out of his car. "You seem different; don't tell me you were getting depressed over_ this _music?" He said mockingly.

"Not depressed, just thinking." I answered, calming down and sitting against my headboard.

"Thinking about what?" He asked, sitting at the foot of my bed.

"The lyrics."

"And what about them?"

"I was just thinking about what if they're true, what if that happens to us."

"What do you mean?" He asked confused.

"Well…what if we both realize that despite our best efforts, we're just not meant for each other and you realize that you can find someone better fit than me, and you decide that you can move on?" I said quietly, looking to my hands. I looked up and was surprised to see him upset.

"If you want out now Bella, just tell me. But I'm in this for the long haul. It's you, it's always been you. You're it for me." He said.

"No! No, I don't want out, I want you. I'm just afraid you'll realize that I'm still small town and you're big city, I'm rusty truck, you're shiny Volvo. I'm a college grad, you're a rock star!" I explained. All he did was smile at me, his earth shattering crooked grin.

"Hmm… I guess you're right. But when will you realize that you're Bella F-ing Swan, and I'm just Edward Cullen, that you're the most beautiful girl in the world, and I just look funny? And that you're the most compassionate person I know, and I'm just an asshole? What about all those points?"

"You're not an asshole Edward." I chided, a small smile playing at my lips as he crawled up the bed closer to me.

"You haven't met the new Edward then." He smirked at me.

"Oh, and when will I?" I asked, breathless as he was inches from my face.

"Oh I don't know… how about now…" He whispered, kissing me softly on the lips. "Old Edward would have never had the balls to do that." He laughed, sitting back again.

"Hmm… I think I like this new Edward." I said, breathless.

**Should I continue?... Please read and review :)**

**Songs are…**

_**Sky Eats Airplane- Numbers**_

_**Silverstein- Discovering the Waterfront**_


	5. Kissing in Cars

**Thanks for reading :) **

**Read and review please!**

**Special thanks to the following readers for their reviews, you guys make it worth posting!**

Katoo, Cazz x, Matt Smith-The REAL Doctor Who (Edwards my lion-I'm his Lamb), KimberlyAnnT, twilightfreak6323, OhMike

**_SM owns the characters, I'm just borrowing them for a bit._**

**_All credit for the lyrics go to Pierce the Veil._**

**_No copyright infringement intended._**

"Will the Chief have a heart attack if he finds me in bed with you?" I asked, nuzzling her neck as I held her under the covers. My arms were wound around her waist, holding her to me, never wanting to let go.

"Probably… Or he'll shoot you. It could go either way." She chuckled, turning her face to kiss my jaw. "Good thing he's on a fishing trip until tonight."

"Very… Good….Thing…" I said in between kisses.

"So what happened to taking this slow?" She said, rolling over so that she was facing me, her hand lightly grazing my arm on her quest to pull my face to hers.

"I don't know. I think it got lost somewhere between you taking your pants off and me pulling my shirt off…" I murmured, pulling her closer.

"Not that I'm complaining or anything, but I thought we decided to take the physical aspect slow." She said a smile in her voice.

"Slow went out the window. Actually, I believe it moved all the freaking way to Antarctica with the penguins. " I laughed.

"You're a dork." She laughed.

"I know what I said yesterday about slow and steady, but since we obviously disregarded that, I still think we should focus on trusting one another again before we let this aspect of our relationship consume us."

"Wow… Edward Cullen, the adult. I never thought I'd see the day."She chided. "I agree though, despite the teasing."

"Good, I'm glad you agree. But since I'm here…and you're here… Let's agree to start slow and steady tomorrow, because I'd really like a round two." I whispered to her, nibbling on her ear. A moan escaped from her lips and I knew this was a battle I had already won.

"I'm game." That was all I needed to hear to lose myself in Bella Swan….again.

**_Hours Later..._**

I never thought I'd be here again, with Bella asleep in my arms. I had made her mine last night, and I never intended to let her go.

She muttered in her sleep, and it only added to my list of things I adored about her. I had been humming a tune in my head, and formed the perfect words as she slept in my arms. Carefully, I grabbed her journal from the nightstand, tearing a page out so that I could pen the lyrics out. This would be hers…Her song.

I wrote for what seemed like hours, and it wasn't until the sun came up that I realized how late, or rather early, it was. I yawned, trying my best not to wake her with my movement. I looked back down to her face and was surprised to see her looking up at me.

"Hey, sorry I woke you. I didn't mean to." I said, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

"You didn't, I've actually been watching your for the last hour or so. What were you doing?" She asked, interested.

"You were awake for an hour and you didn't say anything?" I asked, entirely confused.

"You looked really into what you were writing, I didn't want to interrupt." She said sheepishly.

"I'll never mind if you interrupt, Love. " I said, kissing her more fully. "Actually, I was writing a song…for you." I admitted, nervous of what she would say.

"You wrote me a song?" She asked, confused.

"Why would that be so hard to believe Bella?"

"I…I don't know. It's still hard to believe that you would want me, let alone write me a song. No one has ever done something like that for me. Well…. I guess you did write a song for me, it just wasn't a love song. Please tell me this is a love song, because if it's another 'hate you' song, then that is just not cool …" She rambled nervously.

"Yes, Bella, it's a love song. And the other songs weren't entirely about you; they were…uh… loosely based from experience." I said, knowing full well the other song I had written were about her.

"Liar. Anyways, I want to hear it. Can you play it for me?" She asked, sitting up and resting her back on the headboard. Her hair was a haystack around her face, the epitome of 'bed head'. She had the bed sheet pulled up, covering her and I wanted nothing more that to tear it away from her but I respected her modesty.

"Do you have a guitar? I left mine in the car. " I asked.

"Charlie has one downstairs, I'll grab it." She said, jumping out of the bed and throwing my shirt on. She quickly buttoned up a few of the buttons as she ran out of her room. I took that time to throw my boxers back on and fix a few lyrics. She was back within a couple minutes, probably stopping to refresh herself in the bathroom.

"Here, it should be in tune." She said, handing me the old guitar.

"Thanks. So before I star the song, I wasn't to warn you that it's no finished. But this came to me as I watched you sleeping last night and I hope you like it." I said, suddenly very nervous to be playing this for her. It was one thing to sing to 200 people in a room; it was entirely different when the girl you love is listening to the song you wrote only for her.

"_As we wake up in your room_

_Your face is the first thing I see_

_The first time I've seen love_

_And the last I'll ever need_

_You remind her_

_That your future_

_Will be nothing without her_

_Never lose her_

_I'm afraid_

_Better think of something good to say_

_But it's all been done_

_More than once_

_But I'll keep on trying_

_Oh god, don't let me be the only one who says."_

I had stayed looking at the floor as I sang, too nervous to look at her. But as I dared to look up to see her reaction, and I was amazed at what I saw. She was crying, tears rolling down her cheeks, but she was smiling. Her eyes glittered with her tears, but they were also happy, and it only spurred me on.

"_No, at the top of our lungs_

_There's no, no such thing as too young_

_Second chances won't leave you alone_

_Then there's faith in love_

_She was always the one_

_I'll repeat it again_

_The one_

_No such thing as too young_

_Red lights flash in a car we're kissing_

_Call me crazy, I've always tried to remind her_

_That the future_

_Just a few heartbeats away_

_From disaster_

_I'm afraid_

_That I've thrown it all away_

_No, at the top of our lungs_

_There's no, no such thing as too young_

_Second chances won't leave you alone_

_Cause there's faith in love_

_If you kiss me goodnight_

_I'll know everything is alright_

_Second chances won't leave us alone_

_Won't leave us alone_

_Cause there's faith in love…._

...So what did you think?" I asked, once the song was over.

She wiped her tears away, and smiled at me. No words spoken, only her smile.

"I think that song needs to be on the next record. I also think that I'm completely and entirely in love with you Edward."

"I think I'm in love with you too Bella." I said, smiling at her and putting the guitar down. I stood up and walked back over to the bed.

"I think it's time for round three, don't you?" She asked, pulling me to the bed, her lips crashing into mine.

_Who was I to argue?_

**Should I continue?... Please read and review :)**

**Songs are...**

**Pierce the Veil- Kissing in Cars**


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